Trisomymommy

Loss

Goodbye Ben, who was so loved.

Two!

Dear b,

Yesterday you turned two years old.  In the morning while your dad and J were still sleeping, I heard you talking in your own secret language and I went in, scooped you up out of your crib and pulled you into bed with me for some early morning snuggle time.  You are so independent now that you only wanted to snuggle briefly before insisting on getting out of bed and starting your day. You brought cup cakes for snack time at day care, which made the other children very happy and almost prompted a brawl when some of them demanded seconds.  When I picked you up, you were a little grumpy and quick to cry for reasons I couldn’t fathom.  Even wearing my “I voted” sticker didn’t seem to cheer you up, though it was awfully cute.  You cried a lot when we got home and it made me so sad that I cried a little too.  You are too young to know about birthdays, so this day was much more important to me than it was to you, but I really wanted it to be a happy, special day for you and it made me sad that you were crying.  You are usually so cheerful, but you’ve been feeling a little sick lately and have been trying to get out of your afternoon nap, so sometimes our evenings are a little rough.  Aunt A came over to have dinner with us and that cheered you up.  Over and over again, you held your fingers up in this adorable way that means you want the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” song and every time one of us would sing it for you.  You like to say, “Down!” when it’s time for the rain to come down. We had your favorite dinner, which is pasta with smoked salmon in a lemon cream sauce, although you didn’t eat that much because I had let you eat too many cheesy poofs before dinner.  You love cheesy poofs.  After dinner, I gave you a gift of four large pieces of colored tulle fabric.  I thought you’d enjoy this because you really like playing with blankets.  You seemed both excited and a little scared, but I think you’ll come to like it a lot.  Dad gave you a toy school bus with big wheels. 

You have had such a big year!  You’ve learned to crawl and climb, so now you can get to most places that you want to go.  You can walk while holding on to furniture or people’s hands, and I think you are going to be walking on your own very soon.  You can now stand for several seconds at a time and the other day I saw you stand up all by yourself without holding onto anything at all.  Your beautiful blond hair is now long enough to wear in pigtails and everywhere we go people comment on how cute you look.  You give great hugs and often pat me on the back as if to comfort me (it works!).  You’ve picked up some signs (more, eat, all done, baby, flower, Itsy Bitsy Spider) and have even started saying some words (down, no).  Just recently you’ve begun pointing at things with your index finger and eating with a spoon. 

Eight weeks ago, Grandma came to take care of you while I went into the hospital to give birth to your new baby sister, J.  J demands a lot of attention from me right now, so lately Dad has been giving you your bath and nebulae (that is, your breathing medicine) and reading you a story.  This makes me sad because I miss spending this time with you, but at the same time, it makes me happy to see how close you’ve become with your dad.  You and your Dad love each other so much and it is so sweet to watch you play together. As for J, I think you are unsure about her.  Sometimes you smile at her and pat her on the head or touch her hair and I’m impressed with how gentle you are with her. But she cries a lot and sometimes it upsets you.  We try to make a joke of it by asking you the question you’ve learned from your noisy farm book, but instead of asking about the billy goat or the brown cow, we say, “What does the baby say?  Waa waa waa.”  Right now, J is tiny, so she doesn’t play yet, but soon enough she’ll become more fun and I think you will really enjoy having her around.

I’m so proud of you and all that you’ve learned this year.  Just when I think I love you as much as anyone could ever love anything in the whole world, I find that as you grow bigger, so does my heart, and I love you more and more and more. 

Happy birthday my Bean!

Love,

Mama